Scream Queens: “Beware of Young Girls” Season 1 Episode 7 Review

Well, so much for sisterhood.

It only took a one week hiatus for the Kappa sisters to start turning on each other once again. In fact, as if to prove just how different this week would be from the stellar “Seven Minutes in Hell,” the episode opens with Chanel narrating that her problem is she’s way too nice. As Cher from Clueless would say, “As if!”

Truthfully, the episode does have its moments of bonding, though they’re all seriously warped. After contacting Chanel No. 2 via ouija board, the sisters learn that she blames the OG Chanel for all the on-campus murders. Soon Chanels 3, 5, and 6 are plotting the best way to take out their leader.

Then, after seeing No. 2 in a laxative-induced dream—just stay with me—Chanel learns of the murder plot, but decides to forgive her sisters and coerces them all into going after the “real” killers, Grace and Zayday. So, in a way, there is bonding, but it’s all on the basis of murder.

This isn’t really what bothered me about this episode. On a campy whodunit show like Scream Queens, characters turning on each other is more than just expected, it’s encouraged. What irked me was two things:

  1. Yet again, no one important was killed off.
  2. There were way too many scenes of Grace and Pete sleuthing.

I’m not going to go too into the first one at the risk of sounding like a broken record, but seriously, this show needs to off someone important fast because it’s pretty much lost all manner of suspense and intrigue in that regard.

The ladder issue is a little more pressing, because this episode could’ve easily been retitled to “The Grace & Pete Mystery Hour.” Pete is an especially bland character, and Diego Boneta isn’t doing him any favors with his hammy acting on top of an already hammy plot.

What I mean by that is, we already know this show is cheesy, but with every line Boneta utters it seems as though he’s saying, “Hey, do you get it? It’s all a joke!” Grace, on the other hand, was doing so well at not wearing her stupid hats, but then she failed miserably when they visited Dean Munsch in the asylum. I’ve never been so let down.

This episode initially seemed to serve as a way to majorly advance the plot, which would give these kid detective scenes some weight. Really, though, what did we learn? Gigi seems to orchestrating the murders, which we already sort of knew. Dean Munsch murdered her husband and blamed it on the sorority girl he ran off with (guest star Tavi Gevinson), but she also probably isn’t the killer. So basically, we’re back at square one.

Dean Munsch’s plotline is especially troubling because it introduces a new character for no reason at all. Gevinson does fine in her time onscreen, but I don’t see the point of adding to the Scream Queens mythos when, A. this has nothing to do with the events at the 1995 Kappa party, and B. there are plenty of interesting characters already. Zayday makes a 2-second appearance this week, and Denise isn’t seen at all. We still have no idea what happened to Nick Jonas’ Boone after he faked his own death. With such a large cast already in play, why bother adding in another member for just one episode? It just goes to further show how safe all of the core cast is, which is the last word I’d want to use in reference to a show like Scream Queens.

The good news is, that “Beware of Young Girls” does have its moments. Chad Radwell’s weird goat milking ritual and Chanel’s sudden acceptance of it is wonderfully absurd. Emma Robers and Ariana Grande, in her brief dream cameo, have a back-and-forth about what hell is like that’s giddily entertaining. Also, just the idea of Chanel No. 2 being cremated and shot into space is hilarious.

The episode, and the Dory Previn song that plays at the end of it, warn to beware of young girls. They are conniving, calculated, and they’ll come for what you’ve got because they don’t have it. It’s true, the Chanels are all backstabbers, and Feather stole Dean Munsch’s husband away from her. Really, though, it’s the older women on this show that I think are real trouble. Gigi is growing more menacing by the second, and Munsch is already a killer. These ladies clearly have a bone to pick. I just hope it’s a bone of one of the main characters. Preferably Pete, so we don’t have to hear his Matthew McConaughey impersonation ever again. Grade: B-

 

Some Other Notes

  • LOL at the entire scene of Grace helping Gigi pick out clothes to wear for Wes. First of all, the idea that Wes will start to care about Gigi’s sense of style as their relationship progresses? Huh? More importantly, Gigi’s personal taste in clothes may be several decades old, but at least she doesn’t wear THE WORST HATS EVER. Sorry, I will perpetually wonder who in the costume department thought that was a good idea.
  • Speaking of hats, I think it’s safe to say the the Nancy Drew hats and magnifying glasses that Chanel gives her minions at the end of the episode is a clear nod to the 2007 Nancy Drew remake starring Emma Roberts. It wasn’t subtle at all, but it was cute.
  • “Those boards don’t work!” “Yeah, they do, didn’t you see the movie?” “The movie Ouija? No, I didn’t. No one did!”
  • “There are no dinosaurs in hell.” “What? No dinosaurs?” “Yeah, when I got there I was like, ‘where are the dinosaurs?’ and they were like ‘oh, they’re gone, Jesus stole them.'” I actually loved everything about that scene.

 

By Mike Papirmeister

 

 

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